Saturday, January 27, 2018

February Fast

February, I see you coming.  You look all clean and sparkly new to me right now.  You look like a good thing waiting to happen.  I like your style: short and to the point, pretending to ignore the soul crushing bitterness of your wintery depths. 

But I'll take your highs-in-the mid-nothings weather with the chance of snowsleethail and sun for a few minutes here and there.  I loathe your weather but I like your get-to-it determination: 28 days and done. 

That's a reasonable amount of days to do what I have heretofore declared to be a fasting month for get behind me gigantor credit card bills!  This whirling confluence of money-down-the-drain needs to end and NOW.  It's not like there haven't been good reasons for spending money in the last year.
*pre-moving costs money
*moving itself costs money
*post-moving costs a shocking amount of money
*life continues and pretends that you didn't move and, oh yes, also costs money

We've had some expected stuff do its expected thing and happen.  We've had some unexpected stuff make me grumble. And it's a good time to have neither of those happen for a whole month.  So I omnisciently declared to the boy today that February was going to be our return to equilibrium.  If I say it, will it no be so?  I've no faith in my divining skills, but I've got a feeling in the words of the prophetic Black Eyed Peas that this month's gonna be a good good month.

But, I've also said that before.

I declare there shall be no more cracks in teeth that need to be replaced.
I declare that there shall be no more washing machines that leek everywhere only to stop leeking once their replacement has been hastily purchased.
I declare that there shall be no more please-pay-large-lump-sums-up-front payments for a bit of early morning drop off supervision.
I declare that there shall be no more conversations with the boy when he says "We need to buy 4 new tires and we need to do it 6 months ago."
I declare that there shall be no more 3-year-rabies-shot-and-we-should-probably-do-senior-bloodwork vet appointments. 

All valid.  I begrudge none of them.  But this is taking more trickery to stem the tide than usually happens. 

Oh, and our first true winter electricity bill for a 2-story house (read heat-sucking, how-do-we-manage-the-different-temperate-zones?!? house) landed today.  Sometimes I groan when I get a bill.  And then sometimes, I laugh (because the children were around and I can't afford the therapy when I traumatize them with my massive sobbing).  I might have, in all honesty, entertained the thought for a brief moment that maybe we should move back to a more conducive heating situation.  But that would just promulgate the pre & post moving expenses.  So that idea got chucked quickly. 

We're digging this new arrangement, we really are.  The sticker shock is taking some getting used to, so BRING IT ON FEBRUARY.  Hello, darkness...my (c)old friend.

Monday, January 15, 2018

Cheers to you, new year

2017 started out like this.  And color me old and set in my ways, but 2018 'aint lookin' much different.  But here's what I'm thinking this year:

*I really dig the concept of the "word of the year" for people.  Even if that word has something of a negative or lacking connotation like "NO" or "LESS" or "SILENCE," it still screams of introspection and repositioning, which is what I like to believe is what resolutions are all about.

*A few days ago, I was chatting with my person (i.e. once-a-year-for-20-minutes-while-we-do-all-the-prodding-and-poking confidante) about what's transpired since I last came in, and she asked me why I started running.  And who knew...I still don't know.  A year later, I still don't really like it.  But I also don't hate it. I don't enjoy sweat in my face and a shirt sticking to my back and tired, heavy legs.  But it always puts some pep in my step when I have that surprisingly easy, extra long run.  I like the routine and I like that I can feel ab muscles.  But otherwise...SHRUG.  It just seems like the next part of adultish behavior and pulling myself out of the viscous morasse that was the third of my thirties.  It was an ugly four years, and I like me boatloads more right now, so I guess I'll just keep pounding that treadmill pavement and watching some episodes of Property Brothers and Sunday football.  (It also helped that I had a gym membership for DIRT CHEAP through one of the schools that I'm associated with - the perks of being an adjunct wallflower. 

*I need to figure out balance better this year and trust that saying no right now isn't shutting off all opportunities forever.  I taught 10 classes last semester between my full-time gig and my part-time gigs (plural...crazy town). 

*Green tea is what it is, but it's a habit now and so there's that.  I'm still not going to pay top dollar for what is surely better tasting tea leaf bits.  But I am a fan of the citrusy varieties.

*It's OK to spend money on experiences.  We need to do this more.  And, my child needs to get over throwing up in the car on the way to/from these experiences.  That's always a drag.

*I need to take the first step.  No one else is.  I'm too willing to be passive in a new situation and wait for the masses to land at my doorstep.  They won't.

So that's where I'm at - still dipping the toes in some unfamiliar waters and finding them tepid and generally comfortable.  It's been overall delightful to have new scenery and new situations to figure out, though.  We're probably not at our forever solution but rather our next chunk of life situation.  I'm OK with that.  The boy is OK with that.  And the girls are thriving with that.  I'm cheering you on, 2018.  Don't drop the ball 'cause the momentum is on our side.