Thursday, May 16, 2013

A safe bet

You may have to pardon my probable inclusion of multiple cliches and other worn phrases in this post.  That's my warning.

Some days, I get into a mental funk.  Reeeaalllly funky.  IT always seems to be lurking.  IT rears its ugly head at the drop of a hat, at the slightest provocation, without warning, (insert more trite phrases here) et cetera. I hate IT.  Whoever has any words of wisdom...please.  Share them with me. 

My best friend from high school graduated from Harvard Law School and has been working in Dallas and Chicago for the U. S. Department of Labor.  In a few months, she's getting married in Chicago in a gorgeous hotel on Michigan Ave. to an MIT grad/engineer.  (I helped ghost write her high school valedictorian speech.  It was forgetably standard, yet my claim to fame.)

One of my best college sisters was hired to be the musician at the Iona Community in Scotland, which she did for two years.  Now, she's finishing up her Master of Divinity in Boston and is going to continue on with her PhD work.

One of my best college sisters is a doctor, living in California.  She has this crazy magnetic personality and had about 10 best friends on any given day.  She's Berkeley-esque and brilliantly enigmatic.

One of my best college sisters has worked for several years as a social worker, mostly in Chicago.  She also took about a year to on-and-off hike the Appalachian Trail, largely by herself.  (She's probably reading this, so I'm going to stop there.  Let it be're at the top of my "You're amazing!" list.  I could go on.)

A good college friend just graduated with her Masters from Duke.  She's married to another smarty Duke Masters grad. 

I have three more college friends that I can think of off of the top of my head while I'm writing this and watching tv at the same time who are also now medical doctors.  And another friend who picked up a doctorate, too. 

The list is long; I have good friends who carry impressive resumes.  My candle has a healthy light, but it pales in comparison with these accolades.  Herein lies my funk. 

I'm frustrated, bored, irritated--all with myself, mind you.  Where have I been?  What I have been doing?  Why have I chosen this particular path?  Because I chose to be Safe Amy, and this is the life that is expected her.

Safe Amy picked up a degree in education because it was practical and useful (Impractical/Crazy Amy didn't start out with a degree in education.)  Safe Amy didn't travel abroad during her junior year because she had a boyfriend and that would have been hard to have left for a few months.  Safe Amy got married right after college.  Safe Amy gave in and moved to mid-central Indiana.  Safe Amy started teaching because she could.  Safe Amy didn't try very hard to do something else.  Safe Amy waited a few years and started having kids.  Safe Amy is BORING.

Gah.  Some days I don't like myself so much (myself, myself, not read this as not liking my kids/husband/current position in life).  Some days, Safe Amy is just far too (wait for it...) safe.    

Safe Amy has done everything by the book per midwest standards.  And I just don't know if it's the right set of choices so far.  Is it a hey-I'm-30-now-and-what-have-I-done slump?  All I do know is that I have too much unadulterated think time throughout my day and not enough IQ challenge to negate that.  Safe Amy is going a titch crazy.  Slowly but surely...

1 comment:

Mariah said...

I could say some rah-rah encouraging things here, but it's nothing you don't already know.

I don't know if you watch The Office, but your post made me think of two great quotes from Pam last night on the finale:

About going after what you really want in life and not being too safe:
"It would just make my heart soar if someone out there saw this, and she said to herself, be strong, trust yourself, love yourself, conquer your fears, just go after what you want. And act fast, because life just isn't that long."

And about finding the beauty in your own ordinary, boring, safe life:
"There's a lot of beauty in ordinary things. Isn't that kind of the point?"