It's been forever...my brain hurts

This is a momentous day.  I have FINALLY looked up the password for this old blog so that I can sign in on the computer that I actually use on the daily minute-ly basis, which should (I'm hoping) restore some of my blogging frequency.  'Cause folks...it's been over 2 months.  And per my normal, I've been thinking blog frequently and even wrote a post once and then never took the time to wrestle with the other computer. 

Thanks be to employers that gift me with faster, more reliable computers.  It's really all I want for most of my day.

I also want a brain break.  I'm hot in the middle of a stretch of every-minute-is-scripted-and-vital-to-getting-everything-done-in-a-matter-of-weeks.  I'm doing a wee bit better this semester finding little chunks of break time and keeping those sacred and all the difference right there as far as fighting the mental fatigue.  But still, some of the days-turned-weeks are still heavy. 

Meanwhile...

• I renewed some amount of my voracious reading appetite over Fall Break thanks in no small measure to the What Should I Read Next podcast.  It's like walking into a French pastry shop after you've been walking around Montmartre all morning and didn't realize how hungry you were.  Then suddenly, you must have all of the pastries.  Perhaps this isn't a familiar situation to many of us, but still, I have full confidence that this is the same emotional outpouring that I'm experiencing about books right now.  A favorite book candy author of late is Sarah Addison Allen, who dabbles in just a skoshe of magical realism and the fantastic, a pastry-esque bite of it: quick reads & leave you wanting another one.  (Confession:  I've read several of her books and still had to just look up the author's name.)
• My baseball season combined both exultation and heart rending emotions.  It was a fun year.  Feel free to ask me about the post-season awards this year, but come prepared to that conversation with a beverage of choice and maybe a comfy pillow to sit upon.  You'll be my captive audience for a while.
• We took the girls to the biggest, closest body of water that we could find in October for a couple of days.  And it was frigid.  And we still had lovely, lovely times, proving that YES, my children are growing up.  
• Every couple of years, I remember that I have an electric tart warmer and pull it out for a day or two.  Well.  We're all delighted with the copious amount of smell goods of late.  
• We spent weeks puttzing around on figuring exact figures for adding a 3rd bay onto the garage for storage and, frankly, aesthetics rather than finally getting that shed.  Because while we're not at all hoarders of things in sheds, it's still convenient to have a place to put both a car and a push mower inside at the same time.  Our mini garage doesn't fulfill that dream.  But the projected cost of the 3rd bay kept ballooning, and now we are the tepid owners of a shed that is nominally the same tannish color as the house that is plainly visible from the street (kudos HOA...that doesn't look pretty dumb AT ALL!!!) and was stuck IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR BACKYARD FOR A WEEK before *they* figured that situation out.  It's a mostly hate-hate situation between me and the shed.  And then I still had to pay for this annoying thing.  There's obviously a story here (a couple of them, in fact), but it's all about a S-H-E-D.  I'll spare you the gory details.
• Also, I'm crafting a brand new course this semester that a) no one else teaches (i.e. I'm not terribly accountable to anyone at or above my pay grade) and b) is currently studying horror in literature.  Gory details indeed...
• I don't really like or need 95% of what constitutes as Christmas and lo it is still coming.  I shall soon hermit myself.  (Maybe I'll blog more...?) 
• I do like Thanksgiving.  I want to keep this one.  

I'm currently reading Buttermilk Graffiti by Edward Lee.  IF you like food stuff and IF you like memoir writing, I encourage you to give this one a read.  It's more anthropological than memoir, but there's a definite strand of that intertwined and, frankly, it's an interesting take on food origins.  Let me know what you're reading; I'm primed for new suggestions!

Another day, another thoughts dump

Some ramblings as they come and as I have time:

·         I just finished one course that I’m teaching, which leaves me with just 9 full semester classes that I’m responsible for.  I’m shriveling a bit more just writing this.  Guess what I’ve been doing a lot of lately….?  No, don’t.  That will just shrivel your soul, too.

·         Yes, that’s my fault.  Yes, I still want your pity just a teeny bit.  

·         My children are a study in contradictions.  How can someone who looks so much like me act with so little logic at times?  Why can’t 6-year olds use words and not throw a hissy fit over previously accepted truths (i.e. “This is all of the ketchup that you get tonight.”)?  How can previously mentioned 6-year olds flip a switch and suddenly become Model Child A in the space of time it takes me to shower?  If you’re going to sulk, then logically speaking…SULK already.  We’re done-zos with this hot-cold behavior.

·        Turning on some Pandora or Spotify almost always smooths my furrowed brow.  I love it each and every time and am always glad that I turned it on (even better when I also remember that we have one of those newfangled speaker things…jam baby, jam!).  But I don’t often enough remember to do so.  Alas.  

·         Here’s where I’m at mentally and teaching-ly: Black Like Me and Americanah.  Read one or both, but mostly Black Like Me.  Not enough people have read it.  Don’t be that person.  You should be better than the others, folks.

·         My boys are in first place in their division and have been for a good part of the summer.  And.  It’s.  Delightful.

·         SO MUCH RAIN.  Make it stop.

·         I 100% came to the conclusion today that if I was living on my own with no one else to feed or nurture, I would pretty much only eat cereal and fruit with some veggie somewhere every couple of days.

·         Also, frozen edemame (microwaved, obvs) with soy sauce.  You’re welcome.

·         My kid asked for brie and crackers in her lunch tomorrow, and since we live in Bougie-ville now, she’ll fit right in.

·         You should see some of the houses around us now.  U-N-R-E-A-L

·         Someday, I’m going to roll up to one of these estates when it’s on the market in my 11-year old green CR-V with “air conditioning” and check things out in person.  I’ll be sure to bring my kids, who are perfectly well behaved when given large spaces and squishy couches (AKA any time we’ve gone into a store that sells furniture).

·         So we went without A/C in the house for 3 weeks at the beginning of summer when the sidewalk was literally (i.e. “figuratively”) melting outside.  This was after we had no hot water in the house for 2 ½ weeks in the spring.  And “my” car has this notion that when the air temperature is 80+ degrees that “air conditioning” means “blow hot hot hot scorching hot air to condition the occupants to get used to Little House on the Prairie style summers.”  It’s basically a Conestoga wagon.

·         Yes, fine.  This car was at one point purchased so as to be my primary car.  But the boy got cheap and convinced me to get the cheaper of the 2 CR-Vs that we were looking at (i.e. the stained-er and ugly-er and less fancy-er one) so as to save $1000.  Eight years later, I’d rather have a sunroof, faux leather seats, and air conditioning.  Plus, I schnookered the boy into letting me have the other “new” car that we bought in the last decade.  Guess what this one has?  Guess what I’m not driving now?  Guess who might use this to leverage herself into a Mini Cooper someday.  (Sidenote: Guess who’s the youngest child and prefers to just get to drive the car that she prefers?  Sure, you might see that as “just wants to get her way,” but it could also be interpreted as “knows how to maintain marital bliss.”)

·         After school today, while chatting with The Younger, she asked me if “you have met any new friends this year.”  Charming.  

·         And sadly, not really.  I’m lousy at that.  

·         Case in point, a teacher in my department and someone whom I do consider to be a friend thought that “You’re probably the person who we would find at the bar.”  (I think because that's where you sit to just chat with others?)  See, even my friends…

·         Earlier this semester, a student straight facedly asked me if I’m “always like that or if it’s just a show?”  What is wrong with me?!

·         My children treat me as if I’m their personal recycling/trash service.  Everything is “for you, Mommy!” which I’ve since come to realize means “I just don’t want to walk this over to the recycling on my own two feet.”  But then they give me sweet notes sometimes for no apparent reason.  I mean, for the most part, I'll still recycle those, but I feel less...perpetual maid-y about it.  I guess that's what you do.  Here's to another day of whatever comes.

Taking a moment to breath

I had a whole blog post written and it even smelled smoky (I typed it a couple of weeks ago while campfire-side and under starry, starry skies).  You can just trust me on that.  I saved it, really and truly, but it’s no longer there.  In summary: Camping is great, big wide open starry skies are greater, and saying yes to a few days of breathing is greaty great. 

We are (or more accurately, I am) a bit of a wimp as far as pushing the girls too much and too far for vacations.  Days of driving – no bueno and no thank you.  That was not my family’s style when I was growing up and I see little purpose in it now.  Get me there quick and then let me be there is a legitimate traveling motto.  The boy doesn’t believe in dropping big coin on plane tickets for us to fly (and, frankly, I get that), so we’re always looking for new, interesting, wistfully beachy locations.  And they’ve been good trips all.  So now we’re exploring a bit further and a bit further.  Fate would have it that my brother moved a little over 6 hours away this past winter, so that was easy summer vacation planning.  (For the record, when I say “a little over 6 hours away,” that really means “It took us around 8 hours to get there.”  That’s always fun.) 

So we did a little bit of camping and a little bit of visiting and had pretty great weather all the live long while.  We want camping three times as a fam this summer (the boy took the girls one more time for his annual daddy-daughter camping trip) and never a raindrop was shed upon us.  That’s some good camping ju ju.  There were s’mores.  There was the we-forgot-the-roasting-forks-so-let’s-use-these-long-sticks-that-I-found-in-the-woods moment.  This was also subsequently followed by the oops-the-stick-is-on-fire-and-I-dropped-my-sausage-in-the-fire moment.  There were hikes, complete with 200-foot sheer drops and beautiful waterfalls and whispering caves.  There were turkeys along the road and snakes in the road.  There was a lot of breathing.

Folks, I forget to breath deeply when all the days get going rapid rapid rapid, and that’s truly one of my favorite feelings – a good, deep breath.  There’s something pretty great about inhaling some air and just letting it fill you top to tips and giving some of it (but only some) back for someone else.  It’s free and readily available, and it never feels better or worse depending on the surroundings.  It always feels GREAT. 

There wasn’t a day in the 7 weeks and 5 days between graduation and the first day back when I didn’t intend to sit down with a book for a while but then found myself having never done that by the end of the day.  Not a SINGLE day all summer.  Instead, there were always games to play, muffins to bake, grading to complete (I taught 2 classes this summer), bedrooms to paint, and miles to run.  When something satisfying like reading feels extravagant and time wasting, a BIG DEEP BREATH is the ticket.  It is not a stop but rather a soul satisfying pause.   

YES to that

Good people of the interwebs, I know...it's been a while.  All I can offer is all I'm going to tell you about here in a moment.  But first let us begin with the fact that my fingernails have NOT been painted a delightful shade (mixture) of glitter/pink.  I had high hopes of achieving this first before starting out, venturing forth, and carrying on with any blogging or posting.  But the mentality that I've been abiding by of late is that when I say YES to one thing, that means that I say NO to another.  And right now, I'm saying YES to writing and NO to working on the Younger's Harry Potter puzzle which her mother graciously got her for her birthday, knowing full well that she would get to do a decent part of it because 500 pieces, people.  

And I'm also saying NO to glitter/pink fingernails.  For right now.  I have high hopes for tonight, though.

I'm also 3 days behind on reading the newspaper, which is both the story of my life and crushing my soul.  I only get the paper from Thursday-Sunday, and I can never keep up.  Because I'm saying YES to other things.  I think I need to cut the cord and say NO to the newspaper.  I tried that once, but those newspaper sales people are very persuasive.

Back to the "It's been a while..." beginning.  It has.  School took a couple of sharp turns for the mountain of grading and for the scary.  That basically consumed 4 of the best weeks of the year for me, which is standard fare, but still, always a bit sad.  And then we spend the month of June digging our way out and uncovering the furniture and corners of the house that magically sprouted piles of everything that was cast aside for those 4 weeks.  I also have 5 rooms to paint and a new course to plan for on top of 2 course that I'm teaching this summer.  I needed a mental break and didn't allot for one, knowing full well what I was doing.  Someday, I'm going to grow a backbone and say NO because I'm not saying enough YES to me.  And in other news, by the time we reach the end of the fall semester (the next time I"ll have a break in grading), I'll have gone 18 months with exactly 2 weeks off that had no grading.  OY.  

So school stuff was scary there at the end of May.  There was a school shooting 5 minutes away from me, 5 minutes away from our girls, in the middle school in our school district where our girls will go when they're each a bit older.  And now I know what it feels like to be involved in that situation.  I was there at the triage sight, helping to reconnect 1300 middle schoolers with their scared parents.  My students were on lockdown for 4 hours with other teachers throughout the school.  I was on my prep time and didn't have a class at the moment, so I was fortunate to be able to help the parents.  And I saw my face in their faces.  I saw my daughters' administrator and guidance counselor and speech therapist.  I saw teachers from my school working steadily and without break.  I fielded texts from my husband who felt helpless 45 minutes away.  And our school system made it through like champs, but my word people, the mental scars are fresh for many.  This will carry on and continue to be part of the national debate.  We'll continue to drill and have meetings about safety, as we should.  And my heart just hurts.  We have no intention of removing our children from the public school system; we're thrilled with the environment that they have been a part of here.  Despite the way it ended, four days before the end of school.  Despite whatever bitterness and frustration that kid must have been feeling.  There are good people who do good, good things for my children every day that we cannot match.  And this is our new reality no matter where we are.  So instead of wringing our hands and fretting "Please no, please no, please not us..." we step up and work harder.  I could write more, but I'm not going to.  Because it's been a while, and this isn't what I want to say YES to right now.

I want to say YES to talking about how the Elder and the Younger each had birthdays.  And how my oven managed to make decent cakes for each (oy oy oy, I loathe my oven).  And how our air conditioner putzed out for most of May and half of June when there was no spring but only mid-July heat.  And how we read The Doughnut Fix together with the girls, which is a brilliant read for kids.  AND, how my boys are leading their division for the first time in years (though we still get beat up by the weakest teams...go figure).

We also said YES to an late addition, 4-day hiking & cabining trip the very first day that we could following the end of school.  We hiked all of the trails, which turned out to be dramatically harder than our girls were used to.  The Elder grumbled at the beginning of each one (it turns out, she did all of the miles in shoes that were 2 sizes too small because end of school and parents who are teachers and why-can't-she-let-me-know-prior-to-leaving-on-the-trip-that-things-didn't-fit-anymore?.  But then as soon as we got going, each and every time, she was all "Ahh...nature" and 'I'm going to sit on that log over there and stare at the waterfall for at least 20 minutes because nature" and "This is my favorite trip that I've ever been on because NATURE."  It was soul soothing.  We're strongly considering springing for some tree houses come Fall Break to go back for a different hit of NATURE in a different season.  Plus, who doesn't love a good tree house (with a hot tub)?  The Elder took it as her personal mission to be the mountain goat guide for each trail, and fearlessly, she led us well (though she didn't knock down nearly enough spider webs, what with her height disadvantage and all) until the last trail when together, she and I managed to lead the group astray.  There was a lot of mud, a logs to navigate, and one moment of dropping the Elder face down in a particularly  slippery, touchy situation.  But it makes for a fun story that I'm sure the Elder will repeat frequently.

So all of this has brought us here, a couple of weeks in but not enough weeks left.  The Younger is making puzzle-sounds in the next room, so with the lickety-split summer feeling fresh in my mind, I'm going to say YES to wrapping this up and go crouch beside her while we figure out just which pieces comprise Ron's and Hermione's faces.  YES all day to that.     

And then there was BRUNCH

It turns out that when one hypothetically updates her blog every few weeks, one probably has a blog post all planned out in her head that seems to become stale and old news given the rapid acceleration of time between the hours of 6 AM and 10 PM every single day.  And then, hypothetically, one might write the same blog post twice because it's been a minute and one didn't realize that one already reported on other things.  I think it was funnier this time.  But I deleted it and started over.  Your loss, I know.

 

Other things are happening around here, though.

 

Por ejemplo.  It turns out we like bathing with hot water as the very best option.  Our water heater went fizzle-fizzle-fizzle-tepid, and because this joint came with a home warranty for the first year, we thought we’d go that route and save mucho dinero.  However.  Saving mucho dinero comes at the price of mucho day-o-s without hot water. 

 

(I do know that “dias” is “days” en Espanol, but I’m practicing a differentiated instructional strategy here that allows me to not ostracize my many readers…probably none of my readers…who took Latin or French or Mandarin in high school and aren’t entirely aware of how mucho the dias actually were.  Muchas gracias, Senora Bloemker, my German-born Spanish teacher who also had perfect English just to show off a bit.)

 

(We’re entering the last few weeks of the school year when I’m caught between “Oy vey, what is another fresh, new motivating tool?” and “Oy vey, do I really have to reflect on my teaching habits and effectiveness for the past year?  I wasn’t the best and wasn’t the worst; I’m probably just gonna slide in there somewhere anyways.”  Hence…differentiated instructional strategies.  Define the term and report back tomorrow with ideas for how I can do this while effectively teaching writing, of all things, more effectively.  Refer to the first “Oy vey…” for reference on the general state of mind right now.)

 

(This is a lengthy aside.  I shall move on.)

 

So the water heater.  It’s sparkly new…as much as that ever occurs with something as BLAH looking as a water heater.  Some things (FOOD), I’m pretty much always OK with spending money on.  Some things are worth it.  If I’m going to lose some dollars, at least let’s revel in the consequence of that decision to spend.  Some things just make me and others around me happy.  Some things (WATER HEATERS) are a drag on my resources and need to just work and stay back in the shadows where I don’t have to think about them anymore.

 

It feels good to check a box for “things it would be nice to use before it expires – home warranty."  It makes the To Do list look more productive at least.  But the house also needs to stop being so “Marsha, Marsha, Marsha…!”

And, we finished reading all of the Harry Potter books with the kids (you can edit some language when you read it out loud if you're as quick on your reading toes as I am).  Here's approximately how the last month has gone with the Elder:  "I HATE this because I love it SO MUCH...please keep reading!!!"  So where do we go next?  Back to fairy books and Judy Moody?  Probably.  Those are always good for a quick read before bedtime.  Granted, we talk about allusion, imagery, characterization, themes, and symbolism a bunch less when we read the fluffy stuff.  But it's like eating pudding for desert: It's probably never your first choice but a solid choice nonetheless when you can't always have that gorgeous slice of triple chocolate crunch cake from the cute bakery down the street that costs $7 a slice.  (I've never had such cake and have no cute bakery down the street.  At $7 a slice, my wallet and running regimen are glad.)

Also (speaking of running regimen), the boy and I ran our first 5K this past weekend.  We maybe signed up for it specifically because they promised seriously soft t-shirts and brunch post-race.  BRUNCH.  There is almost no better reason to run.  It was perfectly pleasant and enjoyable.  The boy probably wasn't expecting me to reply "I thought we already had" when he asked "Are you ready to speed up?" at the 2-mile marker as we pre-arranged.  And to be clear, he was totally trying to beat me at the end.  He did.  By 1 second.  Questionable move, spouse...

But then again...BRUNCH.

April is a foolish month

So Spring Break happened, and it wasn't such a bad time.  Coming back to my students this week, I heard about my students traveling to Maryland, FloridaFloridaFlorida, Jamaica, and Hawaii (just to name a few).  Of course.  This is the land in which I live now. 

We traveled too, actually.  To a shady little burg on the side of a sand dune that had a perpetual stinkish smell in the air but the distinction of being directly across the street from a train station.  We've been planning this kind of an adventure for a couple of years now, taking a couple of days to take our girls on a train and explore a new space - a favorite of ours.  We had the disadvantage of going when the wind was icy, else the dunes would have been a major draw for us.  But to be fair, the entire northern half of the United States has been similarly stuck in this perpetual winter that is seeping into our souls when we're ever so ready to break out of four walls for even a few lungfuls and a handful of sunshine.

Instead, we had significant snowfall three times in those two weeks. 

But when your intentions are reasonable, then a little snow isn't going to ruin much.  And it didn't, though it was a fair amount of nippy waiting outside the aquarium for the 20 minutes before the doors opened.  But before the aquarium was the train and before the train was the condo (which sounds grandish but was simply adequately comfortable...which means it came complete with WIFI and enough space to spread out more than a hotel room).  Our girls do love a good night away - exploring closets, figuring out who gets to sleep where, and finding out if anything was left from a previous resident in the refrigerator.  And the train ride was perfect - long enough to give them a good sense of what it's like riding on a train and short enough that no one got carsick or too overtly bored. 

And then the aquarium was delightful with awe inspiring animals like beluga whales and lunch eaten looking into the dolphins' tank.  Granted, it ended with a bit of a meltdown, but we knew that was coming and life moved on with nothing more than a small bump in the day.  The weather was vile, though, so spending any time outside before catching a return train wasn't really viable and the others in my party weren't as interested in more exploring as I was.  (Another trip in the making!  Coming back for more good times!)

Here's what I do know: We were staring down a prime opportunity to continue the cultural experience with our children.  Oh yes, good people, this meant 1 enormous DEEP DISH PIZZA.  I had it planned.  One pizza...one train trip home...supper ready after a long day...all would be well with our collective souls. 

Andwegotdonutstoobecausewhynot?

In other words, we were the oddest group of people on that commuter train.

And in other words, hallelujah that we did.  BECAUSE...we got on the wrong train.  And that train was an express train.  And that express train didn't stop at our station.  And I watched us zipping along right by where we desperately wanted to get off.  Lesson learned:  Don't trust the train that comes five minutes early as being the train that you want even if the boy says "Yep, this must be the one and it just came early."  So we accidentally got off at another, more comfortable, warmly enclosed station about 7 miles up the road.  And then, continuing the theme of the day, we taught our daughters about one more, crucial, cultural practice: how to request a ride using Lyft.

Bless the boy.  His first thought was "I'll just run 7 miles back to our car along this busy road in my jeans.  The rest will be all right because they have pizza, a bathroom, and books."  But then he wised up to the way of a world that has this thing called "better technology than just your two legs."

But the girls were fairly well thrilled with our short trip, we reveled in the Easter weekend, and then the boy and the girls packed up again for a couple of nights spent with his sister and her family.  The highlights of this trip included fun cousins, an annual trip to an enormous grocery store with a father who goes a bit crazy when faced with so many options in cheese, chocolate and coffee, and one of our favorite ice cream trips. 

This has become an annual trip since I always have classes that don't perfectly coincide with everyone's Spring Break, so I get some extended time by myself while still bringing home a few bucks and the boy gets to see his favorite sister with some daddy-daughter time. 

So they left and I bought a couch.  I didn't mean to, but it was right there all cheaper than expected with that free-in-store-pick-up gleam in its eye.  And I seem to be firmly of the belief that there isn't anything that I want to buy that won't fit in my car. 

It turns out that a couch doesn't really fit in the car.

But, where there's a determined woman who didn't tell her spouse that she was buying a flipping couch and the threat of having to rent a truck and then backtrack and explain things later, then there's a way to secure it given enough "twine" borrowed from the store that looked, smelled, and tasted strongly of string. 

100 feet of string later...she got 'er home. And in the house.  And assembled.  ALL.  BY.  HERSELF.

Then the water heater decided he was going to stop doing this thing called "make hot water," which means that we are TWO for TWO houses where we've had to replace a water heater within months of moving in.  I suspect there's something going on here among the house fairies. 

But we also enjoyed a few days full of sleeping in until 7, good friends, PJ pants and leggings with hot mugs of coffee and tea willy nilly throughout the day, which is essentially just my ideal kind of situation.

It was a blessing of a mental break, and now we're in for Lent part II: 40 days until the end of the semester...40 days of whiny behavior...40 days of fools and sillies.  There will undoubtedly be a time or two in these next few weeks when another deep dish from Lou Malnati's would be much appreciated.   

SPRING-BROWNIE-CHRISTMAS-I-WISH

Good people.   

We are less than one calendar week (merely 5 LONG school days) away from the glory that is known as any-break-in-the-world-that-gives-us-all-a-bit-of-a-breather-because-really-they’re-nutters-right-now.  Some people just call it “Spring Break.”  You say it your way, I’ll type it mine.

It is also that glorious, quarterly season when we try to cram as much of the built-up-put-it-off-until-we-have-a-minute STUFF as we can into these handful of days while also doing some unusual activities that other people seem to be pretty excited about.  I hear that others call them “breathing” and “just sitting still.”  Once, I even heard about this odd phantasm that some refer to as “watch a movie together.”  We might give that one a go, too, just to see if it lives up to all of the hype. 

In actuality, the boy watches movies a couple of times a month.  I don’t because why?  It’s literally just sitting there, fretting about not doing anything for 2 hours.  Maybe that’s just me.  But color me compulsive, idle hands do not a happy person make I.  Or something like that.  I probably won’t cross stitch that onto a sampler quite yet. 

In other news…SPRING IS COMING!  I know that means that many a day will still be lambasting us with frigid rain, gloomy skies and windy wind, but my eyes have been on the hurt for some green around this place.  And, here’s a fun thing, when you move to a new house, it turns out that when plants suddenly appear in the ground, it makes springtime things all the more exciting.  It’s like SPRING-CHRISTMAS every couple of days when you find new bits of things sprouting where there was previously no sproutage happening.

But here’s some sad, s-a-d news (the very opposite of SPRING-CHRISTMAS, I assure you).  I cannot seem to be able to make a decent pan of homemade brownies any longer.  I have lost my way and am just groping blindly in the cocoa dust storm that such insecurity creates.  The problems are seemingly insurmountable:

• I like sugar.  But I like desserts that use less sugar but still taste delightfully sweet even more.  Hence, I always cut the sugar in a dessert by 1/3-1/2.  I’ve been doing this for years without having any problems.  But… 

• The oven at this new domicile is one part crazy and the other part finicky.  It’s newish and it’s a solid brand, so I don’t foresee having to replace it for years yet (le sigh…).  But it bakes HOT and the stove gets SCREAMIN’ HOT, and for the most part, I’ve learned how to accommodate and such.  But…

• When you reduce the amount of sugar in a recipe, you similarly reduce moisture.  Apparently.  This, I’ve been told.  (Refer to bullet point #1 that clearly states “I’ve been doing this for years without having any problems.”)  This should result in dry brownies.  Bu

• To accommodate the loss of moisture, I’ve tried the standard “bake for less time” and “take away an egg white + add another egg white.”  But… (This is the last time, I assure you.)

• My brownies are still dry.  OY + VEY = LE SIGH.

So this leaves me with 4 options:

1.       Use brownie mixes.

2.       Test new recipes ad infinitum.

3.       Put up with dryer than desired brownies.

4.       Never eat / make brownies again.

Clearly, this is foolishness.  One would think that this “master baker” (pointing thumb at m’self) could throw together a decent pan of decadently fudgy with crackly edges brownies.  It’s only like six ingredients with a little bit of mixing and a little bit of oven time.

So, someone feel free to take pity on me and send me copious amounts of p-e-r-f-e-c-t brownies.  Or, come bake with me.  OR, send me your p-e-r-f-e-c-t brownie recipes.  (orallthree?)

Hear ye, oh hear ye…springtime and perfect brownies we shall soon see (???)!!! 

May-be.