Sunday, March 18, 2018

SPRING-BROWNIE-CHRISTMAS-I-WISH



Good people.   

We are less than one calendar week (merely 5 LONG school days) away from the glory that is known as any-break-in-the-world-that-gives-us-all-a-bit-of-a-breather-because-really-they’re-nutters-right-now.  Some people just call it “Spring Break.”  You say it your way, I’ll type it mine.

It is also that glorious, quarterly season when we try to cram as much of the built-up-put-it-off-until-we-have-a-minute STUFF as we can into these handful of days while also doing some unusual activities that other people seem to be pretty excited about.  I hear that others call them “breathing” and “just sitting still.”  Once, I even heard about this odd phantasm that some refer to as “watch a movie together.”  We might give that one a go, too, just to see if it lives up to all of the hype. 

In actuality, the boy watches movies a couple of times a month.  I don’t because why?  It’s literally just sitting there, fretting about not doing anything for 2 hours.  Maybe that’s just me.  But color me compulsive, idle hands do not a happy person make I.  Or something like that.  I probably won’t cross stitch that onto a sampler quite yet. 

In other news…SPRING IS COMING!  I know that means that many a day will still be lambasting us with frigid rain, gloomy skies and windy wind, but my eyes have been on the hurt for some green around this place.  And, here’s a fun thing, when you move to a new house, it turns out that when plants suddenly appear in the ground, it makes springtime things all the more exciting.  It’s like SPRING-CHRISTMAS every couple of days when you find new bits of things sprouting where there was previously no sproutage happening.

But here’s some sad, s-a-d news (the very opposite of SPRING-CHRISTMAS, I assure you).  I cannot seem to be able to make a decent pan of homemade brownies any longer.  I have lost my way and am just groping blindly in the cocoa dust storm that such insecurity creates.  The problems are seemingly insurmountable:


  • I like sugar.  But I like desserts that use less sugar but still taste delightfully sweet even more.  Hence, I always cut the sugar in a dessert by 1/3-1/2.  I’ve been doing this for years without having any problems.  But… 
  • The oven at this new domicile is one part crazy and the other part finicky.  It’s newish and it’s a solid brand, so I don’t foresee having to replace it for years yet (le sigh…).  But it bakes HOT and the stove gets SCREAMIN’ HOT, and for the most part, I’ve learned how to accommodate and such.  But…
  • When you reduce the amount of sugar in a recipe, you similarly reduce moisture.  Apparently.  This, I’ve been told.  (Refer to bullet point #1 that clearly states “I’ve been doing this for years without having any problems.”)  This should result in dry brownies.  Bu
  • To accommodate the loss of moisture, I’ve tried the standard “bake for less time” and “take away an egg white + add another egg white.”  But… (This is the last time, I assure you.)

  • My brownies are still dry.  OY + VEY = LE SIGH.

So this leaves me with 4 options:

1.       Use brownie mixes.
2.       Test new recipes ad infinitum.
3.       Put up with dryer than desired brownies.
4.       Never eat / make brownies again.

Clearly, this is foolishness.  One would think that this “master baker” (pointing thumb at m’self) could throw together a decent pan of decadently fudgy with crackly edges brownies.  It’s only like six ingredients with a little bit of mixing and a little bit of oven time.

So, someone feel free to take pity on me and send me copious amounts of p-e-r-f-e-c-t brownies.  Or, come bake with me.  OR, send me your p-e-r-f-e-c-t brownie recipes.  (orallthree?)

Hear ye, oh hear ye…springtime and perfect brownies we shall soon see (???)!!! 

May-be.

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