Sunday, July 27, 2008

Why it's maybe okay when Ben ditches me for a week

24 hours into my forced widow/bachelorette (I'm not sure yet which is more apt) state, I realize that Ben leaving me for a week has some perks.

I get to leave my washcloth wherever I want. Seriously a luxury for my anal-ity.

I can read for HOURS on end...which I did last night. Approximately 5 or 6 hours. In the backyard, delish coffee, no neighbors out mowing their lawns, the bugs basically non existent, slight breeze, beautiful clouds, 6 doves, and some book candy.

No one sees me cry when I read. (I cried during the movie, and I cried during the book. Both honest to goodness, wrenching my heart cries. Sometimes I feel like crying on the inside when I read something but the eyes don't produce. This time, I literally had to stop and cry for a minute before I could continue reading.) Maybe not the best choice last night (P. S. I love you...story of woman who deals with recovering from her husband's death while he "sends" her notes to help her cope), but there wasn't anything else I wanted to do.

Toby brings me the toy mouse the first thing when I wake up in the morning. Me. I get full and undivided attention from my cats. She also brought her precious mousy to me (and only me) last night after my fit of crying and sighing brought me back inside.

I don't have to share my salmon or cheesecake. Yum.

I don't have to watch or try to ignore stupid Star Trek and Magnum P. I. Ick.

I can not only park my car in the middle of the garage (again, incomparable luxury when one has a squishy tight garage) but I can also park my pillow and thus myself in the middle of the bed. Admittedly, it can mess me up in the morning when I can't figure out how to get out of such a large space. You get used to just rolling over and kind of falling out of bed.

No one slept on me allll night!! No arm flung across my head. No head weighing down my shoulder. No cats laid on my legs, prohibiting a natural sleeping posture.

I guess that I am learning to appreciate the space that a week alone gives me.

"Human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives." William James

P.S. Regardless, I still miss him.

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