Emotions

It's the end of another school year.  It's the beginning of another life.  There are a lot of things happening for us right now, and I'm not sure where to dock my emotional rowboat.  What pier will harbor me best through this tumultuous time?

After Sunday afternoon (graduation), I will officially be done with work until January.  I'm taking a shorter maternity leave this time around, and I'm not 100% sure why other than it seems like it makes sense for us.  I haven't yet fully grasped that I'm done with school for a few months rather than a few weeks. 

I was given the "um, it will be any day now" speech a couple of days ago at my last check-up, so of course, this has really elevated thoughts of Baby Cox predominantly to the forefront of my mind for the first time throughout this entire pregnancy.  I wonder what I would talk about with people if not for the debatable dropped/not dropped position of my big belly.  It seems like any more all anyone wants to say is "Wow, you're still working?" and "You're looking pretty low today" as well as the gem "I didn't think you'd be back after Memorial Day!"  It's kind of awkward to have conversations with people where their eye contact focuses on your belly.  Maybe they're intimidated by my incredible genius; I do have 2 brains right now.  (haha...bad joke) 

I just finished what has been, by far, the hardest year of my teaching career.  It started with us having 1 child and me having a mediocre student teacher and ended with me at a different school, teaching a different grade level, with 2 children (more or less).  It has been nothing short of interesting--no stagnation this year! 

Lots to be excited about but lots to be nervous about as well.  It's like I told my mom this past weekend: Yeah, I know that people manage with 2 young children all of the time.  Flourish even!  Yet until I'm in that situation and figuring it out for myself, I'm just having trouble mentally fathoming all that it will be.  A big part of it is that I more or less remember what it was like 3 years ago, and it's going to be pretty intense with an active 3-year old in the mix, too.  Two comments on that: 1.  Abby turned 3 a week ago--whoa!  (And, we received confirmation just a few days ago that she is going to start a 3-year old's pre-school class next fall--whoa again!!  2.  Ben's mom was at our house last night and at one point said, "She [Abby] doesn't just walk anywhere, does she?"  Ha, not when she's a wound up little spitfire who revels in the limelight.

Our bigger little girl is so very attached to Mommy and (especially) Daddy; how will she transition?  Throw out the anxiety anchor with my extended metaphor.  It's starting to drag me down a little and somewhat rub the happy! excited! thrilled! luster off of what I might otherwise be feeling.  I'm sure that we'll all make it, I'm sure that we'll all learn a lot and adjust quickly, but I'm also already missing my alone time with Abby.  What a discordant bunch of stuff is going on in my mind right now!  I think that I wrote on something similar to this not too long ago, but it feels good to throw some of these thoughts down here in a forum that I control. 

I just want to be able to sleep on my back again.  That sounds pretty fantastic right now.  Soon...???!!!