I'm not feeling funny tonight. No, tonight isn't the time for that because I'm going to ramble about weaning, and I will type this in all honesty--I am struggling. Little A is going to be 14 months in a week, which is many, many months past the national average and even longer past the local average of breastfeeding from birth. But what the heck do I care about national or local averages? I care, deeply, about the soft, snuggly head that nestles into my elbow and the peaceful moments with a warm little body. I'm not ever (ever, ever) going to do this again, and I have pretty much loved it from first attempt. Even when it hurt (whoa...teething, what in the world?) and was beyond frustrating. It's quiet time for both of us and is a perfect little moment in the day to just be.
I've probably written it before (I know that I've said it many a time): I am so very much hoping that this bean actually likes me. Hyperbole, yes. But it's a bit twinge-worthy when, as a mother, your child overtly prefers to be comforted by your spouse. It's awesome and yet it's a little melancholy. I've joked about it, but I also deeply want one child that prefers me when she's hurt or upset or what have you. I'm sure that this is a big reason why I'm clinging to breastfeeding as I am. Is it working? I don't know (but preliminary signs look to be positive that I have my own little snuggle bug...hallelujah!). You won't convince me that a bottle with milk are the same; it's not. She simply does not snuggle down and relax the same when drinking milk from a cup, even when she's on your lap. I'm losing this perfect little cuddle time with her, and it makes me feel a little weepy.
Circumstances being what they are, I'm scheduled to teach three nights a week this semester, which means that I would be missing three bedtime feedings a week. That just doesn't make sense, so somewhat unwillingly, we have been transitioning to just a Good morning! feeding. I'm not sure how long this one will last too, but it's all I have left of babydom. (I've also been in the process of selling off all of our newborn-1 year baby things, which means that every time I sell one of my favorite baby dresses, sweaters, onesies, or pajamas, it just pummels my heart a little more. How can you sell off those sweet baby things for $.50, one by one? Oh, sweet babies.)
Tonight, I feel a little bruisey, and I'm just going to wallow in my melancholy for a little bit. Someday soon, it will be more sweet than bitter. But tonight, I took this picture, which isn't an award winning shot or anything, and it reminds me how absolutely thankful for the few, sweet cuddle moments that we have left.