This is SO going to sound like a recording.
We're in the midst...yet again...of some big 'ol life decisions. The good ones...the ones that don't have ready answers. And despite all of this, most of the time, I've maintained my calm about it. Not always, but a few tears are par for the course with me. (No kidding...I might have shed a few while making scrambled eggs this morning, and I don't know why.)
But I want this to be about goodness. Positivity that I recognize and give thanks for. Clarity in some ways that I have never (admittedly) taken the time to recognize before. This fall has been something of a true sabbatical for me. Thanks be to Audrey for many things, not the least of which is this and which she has had no control over. I tell you what, we know how to have kids just right--the end of the school year absolutely rocks as a time to pop out a kid every now and again, at least when you're a teacher. You get about 10 weeks of maternity leave gratis. Thank you God for that huge gift--twice! I'll reiterate this point again, what a sense of humor my omnipotent being has; I was somewhat stressing about this prior to Audrey (Ooooohhh woe is me!!! It was so perfectly timed with Abby, this will NEEEEVVVVVEEEERRRRR happen again!!! Touche. I wish that I could put the correct accent in on that last word so that it didn't look touch-y, so to speak.) And now, my rolly polly is 5 months old today, sitting up by herself pretty well, slobbering like a little lava flow of saliva, and throwing out cheeky grins left and right. But, it's also now less than 2 months until I return to work, which doesn't seem like it's something that I should be worried about, but IT'S LESS THAN TWO MONTHS!?!??!?!?!??!!!!???!?!?! happens in my mind a lot. You would think that I'd have this figured out by now.
But we don't have a babysitter. And not only that, I have one tenuous lead. We're talking about a solid 1/3 of my take-home paycheck will now be exclusively for someone else to watch my children. And, I could very feasibly have to only use disposable diapers--$100+ a month. And, I could feasibly have to only use formula--$100+ a month.
This whole situation bites BIG TIME. It's not that I'm really all that against child care for my children, but there comes a point when I think you just have to question what the purpose is.
I digress...my ranting is largely negative. Where's the positive? Well, right here.
I am participating in a Bible study for the first time in my life this semester while I'm on leave. Abby is going to pre-school and loving it and socializing and not painfully shy for the first time in her life this semester while I'm on leave. I'm close to starting a small business for the first time in my life this semester while I'm on leave. I'm busy busy busy, and loving it. ME! The one who swore up and down to Ben prior to children that I would never want to be a stay at home mom.
God, you just never quit throwing me for a loop. You got me again!
So here's to clarity of mind and peace with what will be. You can't avoid God's purpose in your life. I find comfort in this lately that if we make incorrect choices now, that God will find a way to pull us back to what he wants for us. I have faith in that.