Monday, March 15, 2010

How to buy a family car in twenty easy steps

For those of you do-it-yourselfers out there, this post is for you. But, I don't recommend following it. And yes, the saga continues, but this should be the last post on it--ever.

1. Drive a forest green car during college and vow never to drive a green car again.
2. Boldly pronounce (multiple times) never to purposefully buy a car with a tan interior.
3. Total your car...the only one that is really, truly carseat accessible. Put yourself in a pinch. A bind. A crunch. A predicament.
4. Make do with a two-door car just to prove to yourself how invaluable nearly any other car ever produced would be rather than what you already own.
5. Search for countless hours on the internet for a new, used car with your husband when you should both be doing something else. Consider this bonding time or a date if there is food of any type involved.
6. Rearrange your entire life for four days minimum and make countless phone calls to bum free babysitting off of unsuspecting family members near and far.
7. Drive two hours to aforementioned free babysitting with a wailing baby in a two-door car. This kind of works better if one adult crams himself into the backseat to awkwardly play with and read to the child.
8. Test drive four cars but this doesn't have to be with your spouse. In fact, it works just as well to trade off on babysitting privileges and then compare notes later.
9. Drive to various car lots and get bummed out when desired car a) must be jumped before you can see it or b) got sold the night before or c) is just too expensive and car dealer is not willing to barter, not even when you offer to throw in your next child to help offset the extra cost of a moonroof and heated seats.
10. Take a day off of work even though you've only been back at work for 2 weeks after being off of work for 6 months.
11. Find your way to a dealer that cannot possibly be in your current town because where you live just happens to be a Chrysler town and you are specifically seeking a Honda. Sigh in frustration when the Honda dealer in town doesn't even have the type of Honda that you want. Not even one.
12. Meet a friendly salesman who has zeroed in on you even before you get out of your car.
13. Obtain keys to test drive even if it is out of your price range because really it might be in your price range if they are just willing to haggle a little and what car dealership ever demands the cost of the sticker on the window and it might not hurt to take a chance and fall in love with it because you never know...???
14. Shed a few tears about sitting for upwards of three hours in a car dealership while you can't be with your child, even if they are a wailing ball of baby because she is still *your* wailing ball of baby and you love her and wasn't planning on being without her all day.
15. Stare longingly at the Burritos as big as your head! restaurant across the street during the upwards of three hours that you are sitting inside of the dealership because a) this time period is extending well across lunch and you were hungry at 10:30 and b) your husband lied for some unknown reason and told the salesman that you already went to Panera when you in fact drove to a parking lot, turned around and came back.
16. Repeatedly ask the salesman to go away and let you think.
17. Stare out of the beautiful glass windows at your favorite and then the runner-up option which can never achieve the level of wonderfulness that the first choice is.
18. Cry some more. Now you're hungry, tired, grouchy, brain numb, hungry, frustrated, tired of sitting, and hungry.
19. Buy $.25 worth of Reeces Pieces in celebration and share two with your spouse. Savor your lunch slowly. At this point, it feels like all you can afford anyway.
20. Buy the runner-up, which just happens to be green. With a tan interior. Refer to steps #1 & #2.

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