This post has been running through my mind in various permutations for something close to a month now. And I very much want to write it for the sake of some mental catharsis, though it's uber-unpleasant for me.
I resigned from my job.
I've never missed so much sleep over something. I've never had so many imaginary conversations about something. I've never felt so personally crummy about anything.
I asked for maternity leave without being at my job for a full year. I asked to extend my leave when it became inherently obvious that I needed to. I taught one night class as an adjunct while on leave. And all of that together supposedly suggested that I was not committed to my job and would not want to return. It was rough having my character called into question in the same breath where I was explicitly told that I haven't broken any laws or violated my contract. It was ROUGH.
And ultimately, I decided that I needed to not be committed to a job that I wholeheartedly believe repeatedly violated something that I signed when I graduated with my undergrad degree: the Manchester Graduation Pledge, which states that
to explore and take into account the social and environmental
consequences of any job I consider and will try to improve these aspects
of any organizations for which I work.
Things did change because I worked there. People were willing to step up and fight for me throughout what has been a year long ordeal. Language has been changed. And no one should go through what I did while there again.
BUT...the blessings are many that come from being forced into this decision. And I do not mean this to be in any way complaining or whining about what I think was getting the seriously short end of the stick. I'm at peace with what has happened because I have also never experienced something where I have received so many clear signs affirming my choice. And it continues still, a few weeks after this whole debacle came out. Songs, people, and words surround me whenever I find myself mentally teetering. Advice is readily available, support has been tremendous, and I have the time to lick the bitterness out of my mental wounds.
Manchester trained me for this job, and it also trained me why I shouldn't hold it any longer.