Friday, January 11, 2013

The Pledge

This post has been running through my mind in various permutations for something close to a month now.  And I very much want to write it for the sake of some mental catharsis, though it's uber-unpleasant for me.

I resigned from my job.  

I've never missed so much sleep over something.  I've never had so many imaginary conversations about something.  I've never felt so personally crummy about anything.

I asked for maternity leave without being at my job for a full year.  I asked to extend my leave when it became inherently obvious that I needed to.  I taught one night class as an adjunct while on leave.  And all of that together supposedly suggested that I was not committed to my job and would not want to return.  It was rough having my character called into question in the same breath where I was explicitly told that I haven't broken any laws or violated my contract.  It was ROUGH. 

And ultimately, I decided that I needed to not be committed to a job that I wholeheartedly believe repeatedly violated something that I signed when I graduated with my undergrad degree: the Manchester Graduation Pledge, which states that

I pledge to explore and take into account the social and environmental consequences of any job I consider and will try to improve these aspects of any organizations for which I work.
    Things did change because I worked there.  People were willing to step up and fight for me throughout what has been a year long ordeal.  Language has been changed.  And no one should go through what I did while there again. 

BUT...the blessings are many that come from being forced into this decision.  And I do not mean this to be in any way complaining or whining about what I think was getting the seriously short end of the stick.  I'm at peace with what has happened because I have also never experienced something where I have received so many clear signs affirming my choice.  And it continues still, a few weeks after this whole debacle came out.  Songs, people, and words surround me whenever I find myself mentally teetering.  Advice is readily available, support has been tremendous, and I have the time to lick the bitterness out of my mental wounds.

Manchester trained me for this job, and it also trained me why I shouldn't hold it any longer.  


Jessica Dugdale said...

I feel like I shouldn't say anything, but for what it's worth, I think you were easily the BEST teacher I've ever had. Hands down. This blog post made me want to cry. :(

The Erudite Lit-ite said...

I've cried enough for both of us this past month. It bites. BUT, it means that I don't have to wait until a passing period to eat chocolate. :-) Thanks (as always!) for the encouragement!

Jessica Dugdale said...

Chocolate is always a plus as long as it is milk chocolate. And I know it isn't for there goes the bright side. If only I could get a squirrel sent your way. That might help. If you have any ideas of what I could send, let me know. In the meantime, my heart is heavy for you (and your dark chocolate). Stupid life.- Negative Nancy

Mariah said...

Good for you for doing what you felt was right! I went through so much grief with my second teaching job that I left, too, and I have to say - God had a different plan for me and everything has turned out wonderfully. Hang in there!